is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
