I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
