I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
