Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
