i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A bitchslap is in order.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
