are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
