shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
