I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
