Apparently you make a good broom.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
