his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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