what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
