Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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