the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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