you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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