I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
