I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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