the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
