In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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