I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
