Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
