Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
