so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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