He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
