also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
