I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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