I'm passing your future prison.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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