i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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