I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
