hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
