All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
