is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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