did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
