I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
