I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
