I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
