Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
