u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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