and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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