I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
