good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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