i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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