I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
