At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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