Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
