I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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