420 ftw
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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