I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
