Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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