So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tell your sister to shave her snatch
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
