kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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