I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
