wakey wakey hands off snakey
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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