You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
