Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've blown a few things in my day
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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